Pema Chodron on the art of forgiveness.

Pema Chodron shares there are three kinds of forgiveness that are inter-related: 1. Self-forgiveness which allows us to release our guilt and perfectionism. 2. Forgiveness we extend to others and receive from them. 3. Forgiveness of the Divine which assures us of our value and strengthens us.

All spiritual traditions raise up the value of forgiveness yet many of us find it difficult to forgive. We can start at a very basic level by looking truthfully at one hurt we are unable to forgive. We can identify our feelings – is it anger, denial, guilt, shame and/or embarrassment? Imagine what it would be like to live without feeling this offense –  then let it go.

There may be other steps for healing such as a confession to the conflict, making amends, changing behavior, or a commitment to the community. We can start by giving up our claims for and against ourselves.

We know some of the symptoms that may be relieved by forgiveness – feeling so wounded we want revenge, constant brooding over a list of grievances, feeling so guilty we don’t know how to approach someone we have offended, or worry that the hurt could happen again.

Bitterness and stubbornness can be signs that forgiveness is called for – especially when those attitudes are associated with a need to be recognized as the one who is right.

Forgiveness is freeing, it can remove the walls between others and us. Forgiveness can transform us.